S'what I'm Made For
by CloudyPen
Summary: Lotso considers what he's learnt in life up until this point, and what his past really means.


**AN: **_I don't own Toy Story or the character of Lotso, I'm not planning to profit from this story and I don't intend any copyright infringement. This is my first story, a sort of character analysis of Lotso set after the events of the third film, so expect potential spoilers if you've not seen it. He was by far my favourite character because he was so deep, and I really enjoyed the chance to get into his head. I tried to recreate his tone and speech pattern, so I hope it's not too difficult to understand._

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_**S'what I'm Made For**

_By Cloudy Pen_

"The first thing ya gotta know 'bout me: I'm a hugger."

It's true. S'what I was made for. That an' lovin'. Some kid was s'possed to pick me up an' never let go. Lookin' back, I don't think Daisy meant t'replace me. Not _me _anyways. She wanted t'replace the love I gave 'er. That Lotso I saw in 'er arms wasn' me. Not really. It'was what she missed s'much she couldn't live without. So, in a way, th'fact she only replaced me shows how much I mean't'her. Sh'could live withou' the others, but not me. That's how much sh'loved me.

Lookin' back I realised somethin': that cowboy was right. She didn' abandon us; she lost us. Part uh me wonders why she fell 'sleep if she loved us s'much, but sh'was only a littl'un. S'not like she _meant _t'fall asleep. No, I bet she cried 'er eyes out when sh'got home. S'almost funny now, how I forgot the way she loved us so quickly. Funny an' tragic at th'same time. Sh'loved us, an' I wasn't there f'her when I shoulda been. She'da probably welcomed us all bac' with open arms. An' what did I do? Straight up'n'left. Some toy I am.

However, there is another possibility I thought of. Maybe Daisy did replace me, as much as I hate th'idea. Even if sh'did, I tarred all other childr'n with the same brush. Take that Andy kid, he mus'a been somethin' special if those toys were willin' to go through all that to get back t'him. Perhaps I had a bad owner an' I was wrong to believe everyone is like that. No, I don' believe that, not really. As soon as Daisy saw me, we were inseparable. The best owner I coulda ever asked for.

There's somethin' else I want'ya t'know: I wasn't all bad. At least, not at firs'. I wasn' fakin' when I was nice to new arrivals at Sunnyside. I wasn' bein' honest with t'facts, lyin' I'd admit to. But I like t'be jolly. S'in my nature. An' I like t'think I never really lost that completely. Th'reason other toys liked me s'much was becaus' I was s'friendly. Deep down I was the same Lotso I'd always been, but he got los' amongst th'anger. I jus' hope I can find him again. 'Cause thing're diff'rent now.

Now I know Daisy lov'd us. Loved me. But I didn'love her. Not enough, anyway. F'only I'da realised sooner. Ya gotta understand, I was so happy to be home, an' then I looked in the window an'… an' it was like she'd forgotten me. But that doesn' change what I did. Shouldn'either. I'm jus' an old bear. Turns out though, I can learn new tricks. Who'da thought it, huh? Too bad it's too late.

I guess if I'da realised sooner I might'n have ended up at Sunnyside. An' I might notta lost m'friends. I never did see Chuckles again, an' he was probably smart t'go when he did. Big Baby on the other hand, well… I guess he gav'me what I had comin'. There was jus' so much anger I felt, an' I took it out on the other toys 'cause they jus' reminded me ahow we was all replaceable. I was especially hard on the ones who still felt attached to their owners. They got it the worst 'cause they reminded me of m'self, an' how Daisy had hurt me. I'd been so eager to get back t'Daisy after she lost th'three of us. I wasn't about t'give up on 'er. Even though it took us days to get home. I never gave up hope, I jus' kept thinkin' about her huggin' me again. But then we made it back: cold, wet & dirty. An' suddenly it had all been for nothin'. At least that's'what I thought then. I thought she'd abandoned us, decided she didn't want me n'more and just got a new Lotso. I know it's not an excuse fer my behaviour, but it's th'truth. Perhaps someone'll understand.

I've had a lot o'time tied to this truck; a lotta thinkin' time. An' that's what I realised. Mayb' someday I'll get another chance t'make up for my wrongdoins. I hope so. On reflection I'd stop that conveyer now if I could, in fact there's more than one thin' I would change. An' I hope those folks made it out in th'end; not sure I could live with m'self if they didn'. I got alotta atonenin' n' apologisin' t'do. Firs' though, I gotta thank those toys for what they taught me.

Without'em I'da nevera learnt nuthin'.

**THE END**

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****AN: **_I hope you had fun reading it, it's my first piece of fanfiction, and I hope to continue with something else soon. A review would be lovely because I really want to improve my writing, and I'd be eternally grateful._

_Until then._

_-CP  
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